Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Emotionally Spent

Well, after today's IFSP with Regional Center, Kaylee's OT Eval and PT Eval, potty training and my ongoing battle with everyday life of special needs kids, it's safe to say I'm emotionally spent. My stomach has been in knots for the past week with everything going on. It's really hard to constantly rehash all that your children aren't capable of when compared with "the norm" or typical children their age. I am dreading the next big appointment, Kay's neuro appointment (in exactly two weeks), where we may have another hospital stay in our near future to perform more tests to see why her gross development is so far behind. We try really hard to focus on all the good things and their capabilities, not their shortcomings, however, when trying to decide the best course of action for treatment, the areas of concern are always at the forefront. I wish their was an easier way, but it's just an unfortunate part of the process when trying to get help for an SN child. I try really hard not to let it get me down most of the time, but sometimes the harsh realities just swallow you up and spit you out. My insides churn, I feel nauseated, my head pounds and an overwhelming feeling of emptiness consumes me.

I try so hard to just appreciate what we do have. We have beautiful children, that are healthy (for the most part), we have a roof over our head, family and friends that love and care for us. What more could we ask for, right? I guess sometimes it's hard to see the sunshine when the sky is full of clouds. Just hoping the weather clears up soon :)


~Mama Skates~ said...

even tho i have 3 kids too - only one is SN....i don't know how u do it with 3!!! ur one great mom, and ur love & dedication to ur kids shows! it's only natural that u have a down day every now & then...and u're entitled to it too! i hope u get a break soon & that the appts. slow down for u....(((hugs))) coming ur way! hang in there chica!

Jonathan said...

I echo Mama S! You are an amazing mommy! Your joy & energy never cease to inspire me!
Even though we have so much to be thankful for...healthy, beautiful kids...it doesn't entirely cover the sadness. That's why I love that poem Moms Lie!
It's funny...I went to DC & spoke w/o batting an eyelash. Today...another mom askes if Trev is 13 mos & shows obvious suprise when I say 15...I bawl like a baby all the way home.
I'm totally an advocate of feeling things deeply...and releasing all the emotions!
I only wish I were close by...so we could go get coffee & cry together! ((((hugs))))


Aimee said...

why am I now just realizing you have a blog too?! sorry you had a bad day, been there too. Sending you cyber ((((hugs)))! Kaylee looks adorable in that high chair!!