More school issues for Javi

So, if you were wondering where I have been for the last few days, I've been on the phone.  First with the stupid bank people that I had my school loan with, that is a long story, but sufficed to say my school loan is paid off, yay!!  I no longer have to deal with those accounting morons!

The rest of the time, having many, many discussions on what to do about Javi's school issues. Got a surprise call from the principal on Monday regarding Javi's behavior.  He has basically turned in to the "problem child" in class.  He's been disruptive, mean to other students, and generally misbehaving since his teacher has been out on medical leave.  He received a referral on Friday for a physical altercation with another student, then Monday he was disturbing another student and it was keeping both of them from working. Apparently, the ladder has become an every day occurrence, since the sub has been teaching the class.   Javi is in danger of being removed from class if he doesn't improve. They are willing to cut him some slack, since he has a sub right now and that's a big adjustment, but I think we are done with all of it.  I just basically told the principal at long last, that this year has been a total disaster and we would like to get together to discuss our options for other placements.

Well, if it's not one thing, it's another.  Either Javi comes home miserable and hating school when his teacher is there, but somewhat productive or he's driving everyone else nuts, but comes home happy.

We had hoped that Javi would eventually settle in to his class, but I think it's been long enough and he hasn't adjusted.  In fact, things are worse now than before.  We have tossed and turned over how the transition will affect him, but we are ready to just bite the bullet.  Anything would be better than his current state.  We are getting ready for yet another IEP.  I have spoken with the program specialist, emailed his teacher from last year and now we are just trying to schedule an IEP.  Keep you fingers crossed for us that we will come to a quick resolution!

PS, still no news yet about MRI results, but any day now.  Please remember Kay in your prayers that she still has a clean MRI.

Ethan's IEP Update

Ethan's first annual IEP was by far the easiest ever! He met one goal and made and made partial progress on the rest of them.  I had met with his teacher yesterday afternoon, so we had gone over everything that we were going to go over in the IEP, which by the way, is the most FANTASTIC idea!!  His new goals are all social and speech/communication related and they are very appropriate for Ethan.  I really got a sense that they know Ethan and have an very good understanding of his needs.  The team also has a firm sense of the things that he is really good at as well.  They have decided to increase Ethan's speech therapy to twice a week, instead of once.  Ethan has been doing really well with his communication and recently had a burst in development, but they would like to really work with him now that he is really opening up.  Keep that momentum going, lil man.

For now, Ethan will keep his placement and we do plan to have him in Ms. Danielle's class next year as well.  He is also eligible for the summer extended school year program.

I just wish things were always this easy when it comes to an IEP. 

IEP Warrior, take 2

Well, we had our second IEP meeting to finish up what we hadn't finished previously at the first meeting. It was completely pointless. I came out feeling 10x's more frustrated than before I walked in to the meeting. Javi is not really making a lot of progress in his current setting. In fact, he has regressed to the beginning of the year last year academically. His teacher said he is making slight and slow progress, but that is progression from a regression, so I wouldn't exactly call it real progress. Just as I said in my last post about this, it seems to be a complete class mismatch.

We attempted to use the "easy way out" and use an address change to switch him to a new class. Javi technically lives with his dad now, so using his address would put him at a different school. It was recommended and affirmed by a few people that this would be the easiest way to avoid all the complication of pointing the finger and saying that this was a crappy fit for Javi. The program specialist, flat out said he will not even be considered for a move until next year. She also said "considered", not guaranteed. She also seemed completely insensitive to the fact that Javi has no friends this year and that the kids in his class are starting to "tolerate" him now a little more than they were before. I guess in her eyes, the fact that he is tolerated instead of flat out ridiculed like he was before, is progress. I can also tolerate a pebble in my shoe, but it doesn't mean that I am going to learn to like it being there. I don't get a sense that Javi will ever truly be accepted in this classroom. I think his behaviors will be tolerated sometimes, but he may always be considered "the pebble".

We did at the very least, get a better feeling about the teacher. Definitely not to the level of caring we have felt from previous teachers, but a better feeling than we received in previous meetings with her. She seemed to show more of an interest in Javi being in a good place and making progress.

Ultimately what it comes down to is this, you can have every modification, assistance and service set in place in the IEP, but what matters most is whether or not the child is happy. Happy children typically produce better work and progress (just like happy employees). It's obvious to us that while Javi may be getting "used to the routine" he is not happy, not by comparison to previous years. I know that we can't go back to Deer Canyon (his previous school, the program specialist had eluded to the fact that this was not Deer Canyon and that there was no placement for him there) , nor do we care if we can. We just want our son to be happy and succeed to the best of his abilities. We want him to be well-liked and accepted and feel like he has friends, just like any other parent.

How long do we have to wait before we say enough is enough? How long will he have to struggle before they do something about this? I am willing to give it to the end of January, which would be when the semester is over, but if we don't see some positive changes and improvements, I think we may consider taking this to the next level. I think half a year for an "adjustment period" is long enough.

This Little Piggy

This little piggy looks better than it did yesterday!

It isn't slowing me down one bit.  It looks much better by comparison to Mark's toes, after the two times he broke them, one of those times was on our wedding day!  It doesn't feel too bad.  I have stayed loaded up on advil to help with the pain and swelling.  

I have a field trip for Ethan tomorrow to the Children's Museum.  Jamie Poppins, our friend and helper will be coming to watch Kay while we are out.  Straight from the field trip, I will be running to drop Ethan off at home, then whisking off to Javi's continuation IEP, to which I will undoubtably be late for.  I told Javi's dad to start with out me.  I only have 30 minutes between the arrival of the field trip bus and the start of the IEP.  Talk about cutting it close!!  Wish me luck!  With this troop, who has time to slow down?

When it rains...

It pours!  Wow, can't believe that the weekend is already here.  This week has been such a whirlwind with everything that's gone on this week.

Grandma Audrey is still hanging on.  We can't believe that she has hung on this long with what the doctors and hospice had said on Tuesday.  Bless her heart, just hoping she will remain peaceful and is not in any pain.  Please keep her in your prayers.

Still no resolution with Javi's IEP.  Not that we were expecting one this quickly, but just thought I would update.  We are still planning on contacting the program specialist to see if we can possibly switch schools and have him placed in another NSH class, but we are trying to determine the best and quickest way to get him out of the class with minimal mediation.  As anyone who has dealt with difficult IEP matters knows, you have to be very very careful how you word things.  One wrong move, and mediation can drag out for months.  We are hoping that we can go about it from two angles:  

A) Javi technically lives with his dad now and has for the last year, though we share joint custody.  My address has been listed as his home address since he began school. Previously, there was no real benefit to changing it, since we had been at the same school for three years with out any issues.  The reason we didn't change it last year was because we thought it might be a good thing for Javi.  His current school is one of the newer schools in our district, so it has state of the art facilities, computer labs, classrooms, etc.  

Long story, short, if we were to change the address, that would put him at a different home school and would change the location to the nearest NSH program. So, by default this may change his placement.

B) It's obvious in so many ways that this is a shear mismatch of student to teacher and parent to teacher.  I don't think any mediation will do it at this point.  Javi has been stamped with the "problem child" stamp and frankly, I think any further intervention may make things worse instead of better.  

It was evident in the teacher's note in the communication log today that she was already on the defensive.  She noted that we should try to talk about his day in a more positive way and that we should encourage him to tell us about the good things that happened at school, instead of focusing on the negative.  EXCUSE ME???????  She even went so far as to list questions we could ask him.  I guess she thought we were too ignorant to come up with positive questions on our own.  It's not like Javi gets off the bus and I ask him "Hey, so who was mean to you today?"  or "How many times did you get in trouble today?".  The nerve of her to even suggest that, after most of her commentary in the log has been negative, if any at all, which we have all brought up amongst ourselves on many occasions!!!  Which, BTW, we did nothing to suggest that it was her fault that he was miserable this year.  We just simply said he's unhappy and it's evident in many ways.  He feels like he doesn't have any friends and more often than not, plays by himself because the kids are mean to him.  In what way does that indicate we are pointing the finger?

I was so perturbed by her audacious insinuation that we are somehow spawning negativity and that is what is leading to his inability to be happy in her class.  

Lady, you can candy coat things any way you want, but no amount of focusing on the positive aspects of his day is going to change the fact that he feels like his only friend is someone that he is carrying on imaginary conversations with.  (see previous post)

Javi's stepmom wrote the response to today's communication log.  I knew I was not in the right frame of mind to word things eloquently.  She did a wonderful job of being polite, but it was also to the point.  I am certain, that no matter what we write, she is going to be on the defensive, so I can't wait to read the response.

Our next step in the process will be to contact the two other mothers whose children are in the other NSH program that we want him to transfer to.  We can find out more about the teacher and whether or not the class is full.  Javi was in the same class with these two kids since K, so he will at least feel like he has friends with all these chaotic changes.  Most children have that comfort of having students that they are familiar with, so why isn't it similar for children with ASD who have an even harder time with change?  I am still not seeing the benefit to breaking them up.  They told us that they try not to place all the ASD kids transferring to NSH in the same class.  I don't think there are any studies that show that it hinders growth to have some form of continuity in friendships for kids with ASD, but I am not an expert.  

From there, we will be speaking with the educational consultant provided by the regional center for their input and then contacting the district's program specialist. 

We are hoping to have a resolution before all the holiday breaks begin, since it can be difficult to get anything done during that period, as we have experienced in the past.

Ok, I think this post is slowly becoming a novel, so for those of you that are still hanging in there thanks for reading!!  I will continue to keep you all updated as it unfolds.  Sorry for the ranting, but I tend to get fired up about these subjects, as any mama would.

IEP Warrior

Well, today was Javi's IEP. About the most successful thing I can say about it is that Javi's dad, stepmom, Mark and I agree that the teacher is not a good match for Javi. She doesn't seem to have the knowledge, nor the sensitivity to deal with a child on the spectrum that has sensory seeking behaviors and a tendencies to flap.

Javi is not at all happy in school this year. It is evident in his academics that he is not happy. This is the first time ever that he has not even partially met an academic goal. He managed to meet some of his OT and Speech goals.

Surprise, surprise!! He's had a total academic and social regression. Hmmmm....wonder why?

It's no secret that we haven't cared much for his teacher this year. I am sure that she is fine with her other students, but where Javi is concerned, it just doesn't seem to be a match.

She told us that Javi has a tendency to clap and bother the other students. She said even though they work through this problem over and over again, he just doesn't seem to be making the connection to stop clapping and bothering the other students. Hello? Did I hear that right? To a person with Autism, that is like telling someone to stop blinking because it's bothering people. I wanted to tell her she should attempt to stop breathing during the meeting because it was bothering me. She just doesn't seem to make the connection that it is due to the fact that the part of the brain that controls the nervous system is damaged. So, when certain "emotional" chemicals are released in the brain that cause Javi to be anxious, excited, happy, etc, he flaps, or in Javi's case claps.

We ended the IEP with out signing, since we still have matters to discuss. They are attempting to call the ASD program specialist to consult, but frankly, I don't think it will help. Javi feels as though he has no friends. Today he told me that he didn't cry at school today, which has been a pretty frequent occurrence. So, I was glad to hear that he had a decent day today. He said that he still played alone.

Javi is not typically the type of kid that strives to play alone at school. He will typically at least attempt to engage other students, but now, he just says that he doesn't really try anymore. He just plays alone because the kids are mean. He has been telling me that he talks to a girl on the bus and at lunch. She is a little girl in a wheelchair. We had always thought it was sweet that he thought her wheels were cool and that they had things in common, their love for all things Disney. Apparently, the little girl doesn't speak, so any conversations he is having are not verbal ones. We had such high hopes that he had at least made one friend, but according to the teacher, he doesn't sit near her on the bus or during lunch. When I asked him about it today, he finally told me that she doesn't talk because she has a sore throat. He had told me that she had a sore throat once before, but I assumed it was because she had a traech. 

It's so sad to hear these things about him and to see him in this state. He is typically such a happy kid and a such a sweetie. He has completely changed since the beginning of this year. We thought maybe if we gave it a little time, that he would get used to the routine, and things would get better. It's just not getting any better. I think we are finished being patient.

Next step, I'll be contacting the program specialist to talk to her privately with out the teacher and tell her our feelings about the situation. We have suspected it from the beginning, but didn't want to jump to conclusions with out meeting with the teacher and other therapists. Now, I think we have all the info we need to conclude that it's the class is a mismatch, not just Javi being a bad candidate for this program. Fortunately, there are other classes available for him to go to, so we are hoping it will not be too difficult to switch.

We are hoping that there will be a quick resolution. I refuse to let him go through the year like this. The mama lion will pounce if I have too :)

The Weekend Report

Well, as I said in a previous post, this has been a pretty somber weekend.

Friday, we "tried" to celebrate Mark's birthday, but it was tough to celebrate with so much sad new lately. I went and picked up Mark's favorite, sushi and I had chinese take out (not a big raw fish fan) and we just hung out at home and watched episodes of The Big Big Theory, which was at the very least, some comic relief from everything going on. We also cleaned up the garage a bit to get ready for the delivery of my Mom's fridge.

Saturday, made biscuits and gravy for the family then cleaned and headed to Wally Mart. I needed to pick up a gift card and a couple staples, paper towels and milk. Then we took delivery of my Mom's fridge via my uncle and cousin, along with a few other things. Thanks Mom! My mom is moving out of the apartment she has lived in for the last 11 years, so packing it up has been a challenge. She is set to move in with my Grandparents to help them out. She is over there everyday now, until dark, so it really has become pointless to keep a separate place. They really could use the help. It scares me that they are alone for even part of the day. I just wish there was something more I could do to help out, but it's tough with all we have going on and living 100 miles away.

Went to bed pretty early last night after reading RDI book for a little while.

Sunday, spent the day with Mark's Grandma and family, see previous post. We did find a great coffee place in Escondido called Safari Coffee on our way to see Grandma. Had a nice cuppa on our 40 min drive up. We had lunch at Chili's with Mark's parents. I suffered for the remains of the day for my choices to mix laco-coffee (I'm lactose intolerant) and spicy buffalo chicken mini sandwiches. Have had a double whammy of GiRD and lacto tummy all day and still suffering. Sure the emotional state isn't helping either.

The kids did really well this weekend, considering we were cooped up for most of the weekend. They were very well behaved at the restaurant and the hospital. They had the hospital staff and patients swooning. Everyone just kept telling them how cute they are, to which, we cannot dispute ;)

Hoping to see find that rainbow after all this rain, but it's tough right now. It still feels like the quiet before the storm. Wish that little black rain cloud would stop following us.

On another note, Javi's IEP is coming up this week. I feel like I'm going to have to get ready for a show down. We have been having some issues at Javi's school that need resolution. We are not entirely satisfied with his placement. I haven't been satisfied from the get go, but we were trying to be patient to see if things would get better once he got used to the new routine, school, class and friends, but it seems like they aren't. He seems to be having a rough time making friends. He says the kids are mean, so he just plays by himself. We have also primarily only had negative commentary from his teacher in his communication log. We are hoping to get to the bottom of what's going on. I am going to try my best not to be the mama lion and pounce on everyone at the meeting :)

IEP Season

I have been IEP'n it up having two boy on the spectrum. It's
transition time for both of them. Javi is going in to NSH (non
severely handicaped) and Ethan in to Integrated Preschool (50% typical
kids with less adult to child ratio). This is a big step up for both
of them, in terms of independence. They will both be at a new school
with new classmates and new teachers, so it's a pretty big change.

Yesterday we had Ethan's transition and today is the continuation of
Javi's transition meeting. Hope all goes well!

Shanna Grimes
(Sent from my iPhone)

Arrrggggh!!!

Some days I just feel like running out of the house screaming. Normally I work well under pressure, but sometimes the pressure is to much and I just feel like dropping everything. The week started out pretty good, busy, but still good. It is going down hill fast.

To sum up:

Kaylee, neuro on Monday, outcome was extremely positive, already blogged about it by mobile blogging, yay first time doing that.

Kaylee, PT, things are going well and don't know what I would do with out Summer!! She is great and feels more like a friend than a PT for Kaylee.

Javi, new art class on Monday afternoon, outcome positive, although behaviors lately have been hard to manage

Javi, behavior mod initial meeting to overview treatment on Tuesday, outcome was confusing. Don't feel I really know what the plan is other than to calm his stimming and flapping, and get him to be more compliant, DUH!! That is what I asked for!! Still want to know how they plan to help?? I asked and the answer was dodgy. They have had seven weeks to plan this out and I don't feel like there is an actual plan, combined with the fact that she doesn't have any availability during hours when Javi is actually here at the moment, but she wanted to schedule time anyway. OK, whateva!

Ethan, still fighting the good fight with potty training. Had success at school yesterday, which we celebrated by going to McDonald's. Yay, Ethan!! Still, to anyone that has potty trained a kid on the spectrum. This is a very frustrating process for which you need unlimited patience.

Ethan and Kaylee are still sick, it's going on almost two weeks with the runny noses. Kept Ethan home today. I think I will call the doc to see if we need to be seen. I feel like I live in a Doc's office. We were seen just two weeks ago for all of them being sick. Could go broke off the co-pays for three kids.

Javi, very stimmy and frustrated this week, STAR testing going on and our Wii is broken, so his main motivator for good behavior (the Wii buck token system) has been taken out of action. Wii bucks don't work so well if you can't spend them. Have to send that in this week.

Kaylee, teething, need I saw more? She's been biting, crying, wakeful, etc...

House, in a complete state of disarray. I have been trying to purge, spring clean, finish the flooring in the bathroom, clean up the back yard. They are getting ready to paint and our side yard looks like a dump since I cleaned the garage on Friday. Need to call to have a pick up service to take that cr*p to the dump.

House hunting, well, for now, just staying on top of the market, home prices and what you get for the price. We are not looking to buy til next year, but still need to keep an eye on things. Someone please tell my husband that most people start looking about a year before they buy to get an idea of what they are looking for in a house and what they can get for the money!!!!!!!

Holy moly!! Don't have anything in my schedule today!! Wow!! That will change if I call the doctor.

Tomorrow, we have Ethan's IEP, to which I have scheduled respite care for Kaylee. I still have not had a confirmation call, so I called this AM and they said they would confirm it this evening. Hello?? The appointment is tomorrow and I called on Monday to schedule it. If I need to cancel or find someone else, I need more than the night before to do this!!! They totally ditched out with out calling the last time I called and my husband had to take off work. So, I am calling Regional Center to switch respite care service tomorrow. This is unacceptable.

Let's not forget that I also have to squeeze in laundry, cleaning, blogging, researching for my new client, and finding some time to play with the kids, work on things with Kaylee to help her development, potty train Ethan, do homework with Javi (though minimal during STAR testing), play referee to two fighting boys, cook dinner, clean the damn juicer, shop for all the healthy food in the house (which takes twice as long because you have to read labels and everything has to be made from scratch, washed, makes twice as many dishes and twice as long to prep) feed children, bathe children, get them to bed, schedule appointments, and also finding sometime in there to spend time with my husband. Where does that leave time for me??? Which other than the blogging and taking a shower is the only free time I get.

Can you say ARRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!???????